Make-up/gender and things that swirl around in my wee head
I realised a few days ago that I can’t remember the last time I opened my make-up bag. This is both good and bad. The good bit stems from the reason… I don’t wear make-up every day because my girlfriend doesn’t like me to. She likes me better without make-up and she makes me feel beautiful enough not to need it.
The drawback of this is that I really like playing dress up. I love putting make-up on and being really girly. I particularly like taking my make-up off at the end of the day and being told I look better without it. I know that sounds odd.
We were talking about gender this week in the student group I am a part of and it got me thinking about myself and my own gender. I reject the traditional binary model of gender so, I suppose, that means all things are open to me. I can indulge my masculine and feminine sides and everything in between. I’m pretty masculine… I’ve been told I have a masculine energy. I’m also short with long curly hair, like heels, adore girly tv etc. I think I was a bit scared that when I came out I’d have to be a dyke.
I’m not an idiot. I know that all lesbians aren’t butch but I was chatting with a gay friend recently who said that because he wasn’t a sexy androgynous gay guy then he subconsciously thought he had to be a ‘screaming queen’. I’m not a sexy androgynous gay girl. I’m overweight and opinionated. I wear big boots so I don’t get cold and I thought that I’d gravitate towards a flannel shirt wearing stereotype. I know myself well enough to know that I like labels. I like to put myself in a box. I love to know where I stand. The problem is I’m just me. Today I’m wearing a lot of black (a nod to my goth days) with a big hoodie (it’s really cold). On Christmas day I’ll be wearing a pretty short black and white dress. It doesn’t matter. I’m just getting my head around how much it doesn’t matter.
Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout
is a beautiful woman without good sense.
-Proverbs 11:22
More on this soon I think… right now I’m procrastinating!
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Tags: feminine, gay, gender, lesbian, make-up, masculine, proverbs
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